Giveaway ~ Time Traveling Hookers by S E Burr

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S. E. Burr’s title, TIME TRAVELING HOOKERS, sounded way too funny to me and I just had to share it. 😳

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SYNOPSIS

Three modern day roommates and recent college grads take a time machine back to the Wild West. The time machine breaks, stranding them in the past where they are forced to join a brothel to survive.

With the help of future technology, they’re able to trick their customers into thinking they’re getting what they pay for, without actually having to do the deed.

But the scam involves getting much more up close and personal with smelly, 19th century hicks than germaphobe and prude, Anastasia, is comfortable with.

One customer seems sweeter, more attractive, and better groomed than the rest. Could she actually fall for a cowboy from the dirty, disgusting past?

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EXCERPT

“I’m not going to have sex with him,” said Anastasia.

“With who?” said Beth.

“With him,” Anastasia repeated.

“Who him?” asked Mare.

“Him, John,” Anastasia said.

“John?” Mare bit her lip, confused.

Beth sighed. “Who’s John, Anastasia?”

“John is what the men who have sex with prostitutes are called.”

“What? All of them?” Mare asked.

Anastasia nodded.

“No,” Beth said. “They are not all named John. Not only men named John have sex with whores.”

“Language!” said Anastasia.

Beth groaned. “That’s quite enough, Anastasia. If we’re going to do this you’ll have to get far less prudish about many things. Language is the least of them.”

“I’m not going to do this,” Anastasia said. “I already told you. I’m not going to have sex with him.”

“Who?” Mare asked again.

“Anyone!” Anastasia said.

“You’re not going to have sex with anyone?” asked Beth. Her voice sounded mocking. “Ever?”

“Maybe,” said Anastasia, “Maybe not, but I’m certainly not going to have sex with anyone in this century. Do you have any idea how filthy they are?”

Beth laughed. “No filthier than you are,” she said.

Mare grimaced. “She has a point, Anastasia.”

“I know,” said Anastasia, looking down at herself. She had a strong desire to pinch her nose. She was dirty, absolutely covered in dust. To see it, to feel it on her skin, made her cringe. She hated, HATED, being dirty, but here she was dressed in a ridiculous gold-rush era dress that somehow collected every speck of soil, decay, and body odor around and on her.

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AUTHOR Bio and Links

S.E. Burr wrote Time Traveling Hookers over the course of a weekend at a Tom Bird writing retreat in Santa Fe, NM. It is based on a dream she had a few weeks prior to the retreat, but she did no advanced planning of the plot. She was very surprised to discover that the story was a romance, as she did not often read romances, let alone write them. She quite enjoyed the experience and intends to write more romances in the future, but cautions that what she intends to write and what she actually writes can be two very different things.

She is the author of the young adult novel, Goblin Fruit, inspired by the poem “Goblin Market” by Christina Rossetti. The sequel, Goblin Girl, is coming soon. It was inspired by her desire to find out more of the story.

A nearly lifelong resident of rural New Mexico, S.E. Burr loves the desert, her family, and her cat.

Twitter: @serinburr

BUY Links

The buy links will not be available until the day before the tour.

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GIVEAWAY

The author is awarding a $25 Amazon/BN gift card to a randomly drawn commenter via Rafflecopter.

 ENTER THE GIVEAWAY HERE

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Do Blondes Have More Fun? A Season for Killing Blondes Giveaway

 

A Season for Killing Blondes
by Joanne Guidoccio
Genre: Cozy Mystery

Publisher: The Wild Rose Press

Release Date: June 12, 2015

 

 

Hours before the opening of her career counseling practice, Gilda Greco discovers the dead body of golden girl Carrie Ann Godfrey, neatly arranged in the dumpster outside her office. Gilda’s life and budding career are stalled as Detective Carlo Fantin, her former high school crush, conducts the investigation.

When three more dead blondes turn up all brutally strangled and deposited near Gilda’s favorite haunts, she is pegged as a prime suspect for the murders. Frustrated by Carlo’s chilly detective persona and the mean girl antics of Carrie Ann’s meddling relatives, Gilda decides to launch her own investigation. She discovers a gaggle of suspects, among them a yoga instructor in need of anger management training, a lecherous photographer, and fourteen ex-boyfriends.

As the puzzle pieces fall into place, shocking revelations emerge, forcing Gilda to confront the envy and deceit she has long overlooked.

 

Carlo had removed his suit jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his light blue dress shirt. His tie lay on the desk. The rumpled look suited him to a tee. And his large black-rimmed glasses accentuated those unforgettable blue eyes. Bluer than blue. Sky blue. Cornflower blue. Robin’s egg blue. Years ago, Adele Martino and I had come up with thirty-seven descriptions of Carlo Fantin’s eyes when Mrs. Gillespie assigned one of her Monday morning English composition exercises. As I tried to recall the other thirty-three, I realized that Carlo was speaking to me.

“…he’ll be taking notes as well.”

Darn! Another officer in the room, and I had missed his name and more importantly, his title. Was he a detective or a constable? I’m sure Sofia would know. In the meantime, I better stop daydreaming and start listening. I nodded in the direction of the beefy officer. Dark hair. Dark eyes. Expertly trimmed moustache. A big bear of a man who reminded me of Magnum P.I.

Carlo cleared his throat. He was ready to get down to business. Police business. “It appears that Carrie Ann was your first client. You haven’t opened this office for business yet. How did that happen?”

My heart raced as I spoke. “After Sofia and my mother left…I’m not certain about the time…um…I…I heard a knock at the front window. I looked up and saw Carrie Ann. Hadn’t seen her in ages.” I paused and then added, “Still wearing the same pageboy hair style and that blonde color—”

Carlo waved his hand. “Stick to the facts, please.”

I felt myself reddening as those piercing blue eyes bored right through me. “Oh, sorry. Um, I let Carrie Ann in.”

“And?” Carlo said when I hesitated.

I shrugged. “We just talked for a while, then, uh…” I closed my eyes and tried to recall the conversation. But nothing concrete came to mind, only Carrie Ann’s infectious laugh and bubbly compliments about the decorating scheme. When I opened my eyes, the other officer offered me a water bottle. I thanked him and gulped down half the contents.

“You scheduled her for a session tomorrow morning,” Carlo said as he held up my appointment book. “Carrie Ann is…was considered one of the best interior designers in town. Why would she need counseling from you?” His dark brows drew together in a suspicious frown. “Were you planning to tell her to give it up?”

 

 

 

 

 

In high school, Joanne dabbled in poetry, but it would be over three decades before she entertained the idea of writing as a career. She listened to her practical Italian side and earned degrees in mathematics and education. She experienced many fulfilling moments as she watched her students develop an appreciation (and sometimes, love) of mathematics. Later, she obtained a postgraduate diploma as a career development practitioner and put that skill set to use in the co-operative education classroom. She welcomed this opportunity to help her students experience personal growth and acquire career direction through their placements.

In 2008, she took advantage of early retirement and decided to launch a second career that would tap into her creative side and utilize her well-honed organizational skills. Slowly, a writing practice emerged. Her articles and book reviews were published in newspapers, magazines, and online. When she tried her hand at fiction, she made reinvention a recurring theme in her novels and short stories. A member of Sisters in Crime, Crime Writers of Canada, and Romance Writers of America, Joanne writes paranormal romance, cozy mysteries, and inspirational literature from her home base of Guelph, Ontario.

 

 

 

 

 

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To see all my Reviews, go HERE.

To see all my Giveaways, go HERE.

If you like what you see, why don’t you follow me?

Look on the right sidebar and let’s talk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leave your link in the comments and I will drop by to see what’s shakin’.

Thanks for visiting fundinmental!